I feel like I’ve not slept in ten months

My head is so jumbled with rage and disgust and grief and angst and so many images and thoughts about the ongoing genocide in Gaza, it’s nearly impossible for me to focus enough to write. Never before has racism so deeply shocked me to my core. I think because this racism is different from any other kind of racism; it is so specific, it is so contextual, it often feels it reaches the level of malicious. But it also comes with an amount and level of gaslighting and propaganda like nothing else. Of course we’ve experienced gaslighting and propaganda against blacks here in the U.S., for example regarding police brutality or intelligence. But the racist gaslighting and propaganda against Palestinians (in Palestine) feels, across the board, so deeply personal in its vitriolic viciousness. 

I am so enraged and disgusted watching the spokespeople for the U.S. government still to this day, after ten months of the most brutal and savage genocide, so condescendingly dismiss the ever increasing numbers of Palestinians slaughtered and gruesomely injured to bring up Oct 7 again, to emphasize Oct 7, to keep redirecting our attention to Oct 7, to keep trying to drill it into our heads that Palestinian lives just don’t matter nearly as much as Israeli lives do. They brazenly stand up there and keep bringing up Oct 7. In the face of the unspeakable horrific atrocities that Israel is committing and that the U.S. is helping them commit against the Palestinians in Gaza, they insist that we not pay attention to that, because Oct 7, because Hamas, because Israel must defend itself. 

I keep not posting my writing because I want to put my thoughts into a coherent order. After all, I am trying to lay out an argument, to make a case.

This is a mistake if I want to get anything posted and put out there. So I really just need to ditch presenting in a coherent order and just write and post whatever I can. 

(It wouldn’t be so challenging if I weren’t daily fighting against my conditions. And I know that sounds trite in comparison to what Palestinians are going through. And it is. I know that, with my conditions, I would not have survived long in Gaza after Oct 7.) 

…sigh…